The Secret Thoughts of a “Cool Kid”

Exasperated, I knew I was drowning.
I struggled for a while.
but the dark hands eventually took hold and I hit the sea floor.

Life tricked into craving death.

I’ll sing a song I wrote in all this distress for us.
But only if you really mean what you say you feel.
The cigarette smoke burns my eyes.
So I’ll tell myself thats why I’m crying.

The elephant in the room is everyones secret friend.

We’re all in the same boat.
And we know we’re going to die.
But you would never know.
we dont talk about it.

I would love to see the soldiers put down their weapons and our kingdom to let down its walls.
And even though we say we dont care We all secretly want to. But the only way for us to survive anymore is by shutting down, and shutting out. We’re numb. We’re all on the same boat. And the storm masks my tears. The hungry waves are ready to consume more. My soul, just another addition to the collection of the forgotten and lost. I feel the emptiness suffocating my heart. And I jump into the black. Notice the burns. They said the flames wouldnt touch me, so I made the first step into the fire. Hello, Im new. You wouldnt be able to tell from the scars. Far I have come, the glass still in my racing feet. My tears blown past my face as I run. My sorrows are making the storm even more powerful but I pretend not to notice. The shame is my new name tag. If only you knew…. I never wanted to become the beast isolated in hopelessness. But theres only so many beatings you can take before you bleed out. I look in the mirror and put on my act. “This is the life” I say. Why? I never meant to lie. Feverishly clawing away, gasping for air. The abyss is getting closer. Im ready to die, yet I dont want to. Please help me, I’ll take your hand. But only if you’ll save me my pride. I’ve been kicking the gravel for too long. I feel them coming to claim me. I hear the screams and shove them back further down my throat, So close to my heart. On this boat, our little flag brands us as outcasts. Never accepted, Used to the glares, Done trying. Resentment, numbness, bitterness and depression consume the little light I once held. Im trying to get home but my phone is dead and I have no idea where I am, or where I should be. My friends are fades into the black and Im the only one left. Everyones lost, wanting to go home. Yet everyones so afraid of what happens when theyre found. Afraid of the hand that is the universe The hand that struck them so many times across the face. You never forget. I’ll always flinch at even the kindest hand. The memories bore into my skin. Running is my best option, find my way out of the dark with blood to mark my trail. I have to find the lights before I disappear into the blackness that is rejection. The accurracy of truth scares you into denial. Praying to God while making him chase you because your will isnt strong enough to put an end to the life of torture of living the life you thought you wanted.